An Original Article from Bold Magazine’s Men’s Edition
You can buy Bold Magazine HERE. And you can go to the site at www.boldzine.com or Bold Magazine.
“So, what’s with the obsession over big girls?”
I can’t tell you how many people have asked me some form of this question. First of all… “big?” Such an odd descriptor.
Anyways, one night on a business trip, I was speaking to a straight sized blonde woman at a bar who couldn’t believe I wasn’t interested in her. She was beautiful: bright shining smile, Caribbean ocean eyes, smelled wonderful, makeup on point, dressed like she ran Glamour (or FabUplus or Bold!). But at roughly a size 6, I literally had no idea what I was supposed to find physically attractive. I could appreciate what other men might see in her. For me… nothing. I said “I’m sorry, you’re not my type but I’m really enjoying the conversation.”
Unfortunately, within a few minutes, she was disgusted with my interest in plus size women. Obsession. Fetish. Grossly unhealthy.
Rejection sucks, so I get the defensiveness. I do also blame the culture of fat shaming she comes from. First, plus women can’t eat. Then, they can’t work out. Then, they can’t shop, love or date. But… now they can’t be desired without it being a fetish?
Hi, I’m Dr. Christopher Salute and I am attracted to plus size women. I hold three degrees including a PhD in Organizational Psychology. I am the Asst. Dean at a local University. I do research on various topics in management, including (but not limited to) weight discrimination. I also own a plus lifestyle brand called Bold Media which celebrates the plus size community through publications, events, etc.
I do not live in a basement a relative’s home with photos of plus size models covering my concrete walls. I do not have “BBW” pornography constantly loaded on my devices as I stopped watching porn when I did a therapy using resources from https://bestrehab.uk/sex. I don’t send DMs to women asking to see various parts of their bodies (belly, feet, butt, etc.). And, what I do or speak about with any of my sexual partners is for me and that partner to discuss before, during, and after, with complete consent, love, respect, integrity and honor. This sex addiction rehab made me a better person and taught me to always look on the bright side of life, as having addictions is pretty difficult in life and that’s why places like the best rehab in uk can help people improve their lives by quitting addictions.
Why does society consider a man who loves a plus woman to be a fetish or obsession? I, myself, have even fallen under the trap of quickly minimizing my screen when googling a plus woman in a bikini for an article I’m writing. Would I minimize so quickly if she were straight sized. Maybe. Maybe not. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever googled that. I like, love, and am attracted to women, the same as any straight man on the planet. I don’t think about it any more than any man. But, when I do those things, the body parts attached to the brain, heart, and soul of my partner are fat. Good luck. There are times I would think of having a sex addiction treatment to help me in this matter, but I think I just really appreciate this sexy curve woman.
BOLD, 3
trying to figure out why! People ask me all the time. Here’s what I know:
This literally began as early as 6 years old. I liked this cute “chubby” girl in class (it’s the only adjective I can think of as she wasn’t plus sized, yet). Then, again, weren’t we all chubby back then? It never stopped. I went through most of my years, struggling with my own size (even today, I consider myself to be an extra-large male. I am not. I should be wearing clothes a size or two smaller since losing weight in college). Every partner I’ve ever had has been plus sized. Now, there’s been a range as I’ve dated size 12-14s and size 36-38s. I never wanted to watch someone gain weight or eat themselves sick. I don’t love the idea of talking about a woman’s body early on in the conversation. In fact, women usually ask me what my problem is and if I’m attracted to them because I don’t bring it up eventually.
“I’m very attracted to you. I want to sleep with you, badly. Every inch of you is what I’m attracted to. But, what are you currently reading?”
I also know that when I do have a partner, I can’t get over my attraction. I couldn’t explain it the same way any other man could explain theirs. But, I am so very attracted to my partners, I’ve stopped what I was doing mid-intimacy to thank my spiritual connection for blessing me with a partner who looks the way she does. Do other men do this? I don’t know. But, I’ve never looked at a magazine wishing my partner looked like someone else, because they probably have similar bodies to Whitney (Way Thore) or one of the Torrid models in a catalogue, anyways. Plus, nobody should do that. Let’s be clear.
I’m even involved in a few plus size dating groups! Know who I talk to most? Guys. When you have spent your entire young life listening to your friends tease you about your choice in women, it’s nice to be around a bunch of dudes who share your preference. What do we talk about? Guy stuff, of course! We share funny youtube videos, talk about sports, and rarely even bring up women. We get cigars, a beer, etc. Sure, once in a while someone shares a photo of a model and a few thumbs up get sent. But, we’re not sitting around sharing pictures of Tess Holliday cropped against a bag of Cheetos or googling where the highest percentage of women with a high BMI in the country is. The group consists of doctors, lawyers, military personnel, cab drivers, teachers, construction workers, etc. We’re black, white, Latino, Indian, etc. We range in age, class, and education.What is all of this if it’s not an obsession? A fetish? An addiction? It’s simply an attraction.
I have my kinks. Some even include things that you’d only do with a plus size body (shocked face!). I would have never dreamt of them unless a partner brought them to me and the shoe fit. And, yes, when I find someone attractive they will absolutely always be a plus size woman. They will also have a beautiful face and if we get to know each other, they’re probably kind as hell and love to read. Because, these are all PREFERENCES I have.
People (men especially) often ask me, What’s different about dating or approaching plus size women? My answer is that I don’t know. I’ve not done anything else. But, imagine if they asked that of “black women” or “Jewish women” or “democratic women.” Like, dude… women are all different. Some have been the most confident you’ve ever seen and told me to stop hitting on them when I was asking that they move away from the ATM so I could pay a bar tab. Others have told me to “stop pranking them” because there was no way I could be attracted to them. Some find me funny. Some find me offensive. Usually, it’s a combination of the two! Some have told me I’m too fat, skinny, white, etc. for their tastes! Cool! Sucks for me, but we’re moving on!
I’ve also heard the best and the worst stories from my friends about dating. Some have been “fat-phobic” men who turned them down hurtfully or my “favorite” is the man who calls them fat after they reject them.
“Why would I want you? You’re fat.”
“You’re right I am, and you wanted me two seconds ago…”
But, sometimes, the problems I hear from my friends in their dating lives are just 2019 problems: Ghosting, getting asked for an 11PM visit when they wanted a date, jealousy, cheating, etc. Recently, I’d heard that straight sized women get asked out on way more dates through internet dating apps. I don’t know that to be true and I have no way of confirming. This was hearsay based on a numbers conversation.
The bottom line is that there are men fetishizing the plus community. Yes. And, that really sucks for men like me. An attraction is not a fetish. My name is Christopher Salute and I am a human who loves other humans… as long as they will watch the “Dark Knight” trilogy with me and get sushi. And, yes, they happen to be plus sized.
If you enjoyed this read, please check out our brand new website, www.musthavecurves.com and its counterpart, currently being built, www.mustlovecurves.com. You can also find articles from Christopher Salute at www.thatprofessorlife.com.
Recent Comments