“You could have had me for $49.95”

by | Apr 28, 2020 | Dating Stories, Media and Arts, Uncategorized

Lesson Learned: Media has a Way of Shaping Our Desires and Guilts

“Didn’t you take Economics, You could have had me for $49.95.”

– Plus Size Cheerleader in “Can’t Buy Me Love”

So… like… was I supposed to think this was a good thing or a bad thing? The reality is I would have asked the plus size cheerleader on a date way before Cindy Mancini, who Patrick Dempsey paid $1000 to pretend to be his girlfriend. I thought she was super cute! And, funny enough, I recently discussed this with friend and colleague Janet Conroy-Quirk of Bold Magazine who IMMEDIATELY brought this quote up before I could.

There are way more instances I’ve been wanting to share about the degradation of plus size humans in media. I have running lists:

  • On my phone
  • On my google drive
  • On my task list
  • In my brain hole
  • In writing

So, I’ll likely not get even close to all of them up on this post. But, I’ll try:

People didn’t even get the quote right… Dempsey didn’t say this. But, it’s all over the Internet.

The Sopranos

Pretty much the whole show. Did you know that they added extra mics to James Gandolfini’s neck to make him sound like he breathed more heavily when he ate, talked, walked… lived? Yeah they did.

  • AJ getting scolded for being fat
  • The ENTIRE few episodes surrounding Ginny Sacks including but not limited to her size, the joke about her, Johnny dumping the chocolate on her, the extra creaking under the floor boards as she walked (not evident in ANY other episodes)
  • Tony’s struggle with his size
  • Jokes about Pussy
  • Jokes about Bobby
  • Jokes about pretty much anyone else who was fat
  • I feel like the words “Fat F*ck” were in every episode at least once
  • Tony even self loathes when he’s trying to get his therapist to date him.

“Look, I know I don’t have the best looking face…. and uh… the weight… I’m working on.”

Tony Soprano, The Sopranos
  • Mad Men: Jimmy Barret DESTROYS a plus size woman, the wife of a major client, and thinks he’s going to make it right by hitting on her
  • The words “Fat Ass” all throughout “Stand by Me”
  • Chunk in the Goonies
  • Zack Morris not wanting to date Wendy, the super cute plus size woman who won him at the auction
  • The entire Shallow Hal Movie (I didn’t live down that nickname in High School… not even DURING the movie… with a date who was plus sized – I could have killed my “friends”)
  • The movie Fatso
  • “Defending Your Life” when he doesn’t want to eat all the pasta
  • Penny Pester in “Ladybugs” not being the “cool/pretty” girl (obviously I crushed on her)
  • Friends’ Monica
  • Anything Danny Devito was in
  • Fat Thor in the Avengers – REALLY???
  • Pitch Perfect
  • What’s Eating Gilbert Grape!
  • Love, Actually
  • The Nutty Professor
  • Heavyweights
  • Camp Nowhere
  • Never Been Kissed
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • SUMMER CATCH!

I’ll save the rest for another day. But, like, what the f*ck, Hollywood?! I didn’t stand a chance in having a normal relationship in public with a preference for plus size women. Plus size humans who were considered:

  • Lazy
  • A bargain
  • A settlement
  • Unworthy or less worthy

So, it’s no wonder why, all throughout my childhood and young adult life I had to defend my choice in partner(s). But, should I have had to? Or, should we really be thinking about how we depict diverse humans in media? Especially plus sizes, as we grow larger as a nation, in general?

Well… obviously, you know my answer. It was and is ridiculous!

Don’t get me wrong. I hid and hide nothing about my preferences.

Dempsey in “Can’t Buy Me Love,” confronted by the stereotypical “80s Chubby Chearleader”

I think it’s absurd that men call their admitted preference in plus size women “coming out.” An old video on this below:

But, when we see shows like Hot and Heavy come out out TLC, even as recent as this year, we have more media forcing us into this box:

“Fat is unworthy, unhealthy, and undesirable.“

And there are lots of studies that confirm these biases in media, corporate/career environments, and medicine. I’ve conducted some and I’m working on others. We’ve also written a counter article to the Hot and Heavy Series in the latest edition of Bold Magazine.

This is also EXTREMELY evident with all of the new memes that have hit the web, lately. And, I’ll be writing a completely separate post about that, soon.

I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with this piece. But, I think the answer is more simple that I need to make it:

  • This article shouldn’t exist.
  • “Mixed Weight” couples are a ridiculous notion.
  • The plethora of articles praising men for liking plus size women are stupid (including any about me).

Unfortunately, though, until we stop associating plus women (yes, men, too, on a smaller scale… but we all know this is a gender related issue) with being a “bargain” or “settlement,” I’ll unfortunately have a lot to write about and so will the advocates at Bold.