Lesson Learned: Set Expectations with an In Depth Tinder Profile
Did you see my Instagram story, recently? This was the third time in a year that someone created a dating profile with my images. They’ve also created Facebook and Instagram accounts with my liking. It’s a bit of a nuisance, but it is kind of funny.
It got me thinking… I’m not on any dating apps… mostly because I have just recently gotten through a relationship that left me emotionally drained. I was very much in love with a human I couldn’t make it work with. I do think about it every day.
But, eventually, I’ll have to start dipping my toe seriously back in the water, right? What should my dating profile say? Here’s what immediately comes to mind:
“Hi, I’m Christopher and I’m exhausted. I work two jobs, own three plus size brands, run multiple meet up groups, and have a special needs dog. You’re going to get sick of my schedule. But, you won’t be able to stop talking to me because I’m charming as hell. I also shine up nicely in a suit (or grey sweatpants).
Eventually, you’ll give up on me. And, you should. Because I’m a pain in the ass to deal with. I have time at 9PM after my work is done and on weekends when I am not putting in hours at the office.
If you can make it a few weeks of me canceling plans, I am a pretty loving dude. I have so much to give to the right human. I just require a bit more upkeep. Must have Curves. Must love anxious dogs. Must be able to volley a conversation…”
It may also say something like “My favorite coffee at my local coffee shop is called ‘The Sith’ and I was totally okay with that when I learned it. I’m also a Slytherin. They are just misunderstood because they are passionate strategists.”
I don’t often find people I want to connect with. And, I can’t tell you how many people have broken up with me over the past month. The funny part is I had no idea I was dating them. We matched, spoke a bit, maybe went for coffee, but usually not because I have no time. In fact, their exact words to me were “You have no time for a relationship.” Oh, I knew that… I’m just an idiot.
There’s also this unspoken leverage thing that I think happens when speaking with someone new. My potential partner wants to be chased. I understand that. That’s a nice feeling, right? And, I’m sure with the way men usually speak to their human tinder matches, they are sick of non-committal. The problem is I’m not those people. And, I can’t picture chasing someone I don’t have the intention of pursuing seriously. So, I am not going to wake up and text you “Good Morning Beautiful” because, while I may think it, I don’t want to lead you on.
I’m wondering if finding your soulmate on a dating app is something that can be done. I always imagined finding my soulmate on a project or at work, somewhere. Maybe I already have. In fact, it’s likely I already have. We live in this world of internet disposability such that we discard people without truly understanding their ins and outs. I have theories on why I’ve done it. Have you?
I think that because I have a history of being single and have dated many humans, there’s a preconceived notion that I love this lifestyle. And I do think that monogamy is unrealistic. The average Millennial marriage lasts 3 years. Let me be clear… I absolutely love my life. And, I am not unhappy.
But, like anyone else, I do want to come home to the same human… the right human… my perfect human… every single day (within reason… business travel, etc.). When I tell people this, I think they get hopeful. That doesn’t mean I’m going to settle for that person. And, with the attention span of an 8 year old and all of the distractions I have, it’s hard to nail me down for a drink.
I do tell folks that I’m looking for a life partner. But, I need to remember to tell them that I am not looking to settle for someone who checks 8 out of my 10 boxes.
I guess I’ll just keep getting dumped…
[Featured Image is not of someone I’m dating. I thought it was an amazing photo of a friend and I do have consent to use it. ]
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